# Why does my ex still contact me after choosing someone else?

itraveledthere.io · August 4, 2026

> Psychological research suggests that ex-partners may continue contacting you due to the "fluctuating asymmetry" phenomenon. This is when individuals...

Psychological research suggests that ex-partners may continue contacting you due to the "fluctuating asymmetry" phenomenon.

This is when individuals are attracted to partners who display signs of genetic fitness, but once a relationship ends, the ex-partner may still seek that perceived genetic benefit, even in a non-romantic context.

**Also worth reading:** [What should I consider when choosing a dating profile picture for Charlie?](https://itraveledthere.io/knowledge/what_should_i_consider_when_choosing_a_dating_profile_picture_for_charlie.php) · [How to verify dating profile identity in 2026: A definitive guide to spotting AI fakes and catfish?](https://itraveledthere.io/knowledge/how_to_verify_dating_profile_identity_in_2026_a_definitive_guide_to_spotting_ai_fakes_and_catfish.php) · [How to spot AI generated dating photos in 2026?](https://itraveledthere.io/knowledge/how_to_spot_ai_generated_dating_photos_in_2026.php)

Studies have shown that the brain's reward system can become "addicted" to the emotional highs and lows of a past relationship.

The ex-partner's continued contact may be an attempt to re-create those feelings, even if they've chosen someone else.

Evolutionary psychologists propose that ex-partners may maintain contact to keep you as a "backup" option, in case their new relationship fails.

This "mate-guarding" behavior is a survival tactic to ensure access to a potential reproductive partner.

The "Barnum effect" can also play a role, where your ex-partner convinces themselves that you still have a special connection, even if the relationship has ended.

This self-deception can drive them to maintain contact.

Neuroscientific research has found that the same brain regions associated with drug addiction can be activated when experiencing the pain of a breakup.

Your ex-partner's continued contact may be an attempt to "self-medicate" and ease this withdrawal.

Attachment theory suggests that individuals with an "anxious-preoccupied" attachment style may have difficulty letting go of ex-partners, even when a new relationship is formed.

They may seek continued contact to alleviate their own insecurities.

Social comparison theory indicates that your ex-partner may maintain contact to assess their own worth or desirability relative to you, especially if they're feeling insecure in their new relationship.

The "Zeigarnik effect" proposes that unfinished tasks or incomplete relationships can create a cognitive bias, where your ex-partner feels compelled to resolve the unfinished business by staying in touch.

Behavioral economics research has found that the "sunk cost fallacy" can influence ex-partners to maintain contact, as they may feel reluctant to let go of the time and effort invested in the previous relationship.

Anthropological studies have shown that the practice of "ex-partner maintenance" can serve as a way for individuals to signal their social status and desirability to potential mates, even if they've chosen someone else.

Cognitive dissonance theory suggests that your ex-partner may continue contacting you to reconcile the internal conflict between their choice to be with someone else and their lingering feelings for you.

Neuroscience research has identified that the release of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone," can contribute to an ex-partner's desire to maintain contact, even after a relationship has ended.

Sociological studies have found that ex-partners may maintain contact as a way to maintain social connections and avoid the stigma of a "failed" relationship in their social circles.

Psychological research on the "hot-cold empathy gap" indicates that your ex-partner may underestimate the emotional impact their continued contact has on you, leading them to believe it's harmless.

Behavioral economics principles, such as the "endowment effect," suggest that your ex-partner may value the relationship with you more than the new partner, driving their desire to maintain contact.

Evolutionary psychology proposes that ex-partners may continue contacting you as a way to hedge their bets, keeping you available as a potential mating option in case their new relationship doesn't work out.

Neuropsychological studies have shown that the brain's "reward prediction error" system can contribute to an ex-partner's continued contact, as they may be seeking the thrill of an unpredictable interaction with you.

Sociological research on the "social comparison" process suggests that your ex-partner may maintain contact to gauge your progress in moving on, which can feed into their own feelings of self-worth.

Cognitive psychology principles, such as the "illusion of transparency," indicate that your ex-partner may believe their continued contact is more subtle or less obvious than it actually is.

Organizational behavior research on the "self-serving bias" suggests that your ex-partner may rationalize their continued contact as a way to maintain a "friendship," while downplaying the emotional impact it has on you.

Canonical: https://itraveledthere.io/knowledge/why_does_my_ex_still_contact_me_after_choosing_someone_else.php
Markdown: https://itraveledthere.io/knowledge/why_does_my_ex_still_contact_me_after_choosing_someone_else.php/index.md